He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
