I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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