How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I cannot find my penis.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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