Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize