he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
