Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
