Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize