So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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