You made me cry and you don't even care
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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