before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
