i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
