I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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