I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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