i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
