for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize