Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
