I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
