Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
