Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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