12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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