i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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