been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
