Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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