Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
