he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
