"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she looked like the before picture.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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