I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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