There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
