I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
