She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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