If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
