Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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