This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
