If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
