My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
