If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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