you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize