Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
