I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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