we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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