What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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