if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
