i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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