I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
