it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
