So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
