I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
