I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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