Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
