I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I bet he comes in French.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
