I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
where are my eyebrows?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
