I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
