I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
