You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
