I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I want a musical about memes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
