So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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