I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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