I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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