i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
