This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
