i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
