he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize