I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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