Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
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