During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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