Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
